Sunday, July 09, 2006
Last week I spent a few days visiting my dad out in Albuquerque. I was real eagar to develop the father-daughter relationship I so desperately wanted but I came to the stark realization that I do not know this man. After ten years of being in and out of my life my relationship with him is awkward and strained at best. I resent the fact that he tries to tell me how to live my life and I resent that he acts like his absence in my life was no big deal. I tried telling him that I needed time to get to know him better before I can learn to trust him and let him be part of my life again but he completly took this the wrong way. By the time I left he was convinced that I never wanted to see him again and went into full self-pitty mode. I really don't know what to do at this point. I tried calling him to explain my situation with him even further but I think he has completely shut down. So now I kind of avoid his phone calls. Which leaves me really confused right now because on one hand I do want to have a relationship with him but on the other hand I want it to be on my terms. Am I wrong for being this way?